we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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