Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
