i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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