I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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