Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
