I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
