I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I came so hard my ears popped.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
