i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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