if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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