my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
