after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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