i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
