how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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