Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
