I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he was CRYING into my vagina
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
