I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
