I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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