You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
