She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
