Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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