You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
