So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
When are your genitals available?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
