eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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