Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
