Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
