2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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