shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Reggie can tackle my bush.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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