Moan for me like Helen Keller
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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