I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
