Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
