This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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