just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Randomize
