WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Plan B is the new Plan A
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
