Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
