I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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