Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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