u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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