oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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