Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
