awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
