I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
