When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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