I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
