Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
