I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize
