After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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