when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
