I wanna passion pit in your ass
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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