I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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