worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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