4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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