YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
