When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
