wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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