I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
im holly from the hills drunk
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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