trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
