he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
even my farts smell like vagina
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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