I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
