Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize