I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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