Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
