She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
