He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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