im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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