I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
