the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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