No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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