Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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