she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
